In Public

Off in a quiet corner of L'Arcadium, on the Midway at Carniville Park, Mistress Roxanne gambles on a video poker machine.

Somehow she convinces the bus driver to make a stop just for her. And we're off to the park once more.

Apparently the Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser Pia won as part of her Miss Carnipelago prize booty is already in the shop. She won't be on the street long with a hot little minidress that displays her award-winning assets so deliciously.

Pia Rapoza! Miss Carnipelago! Waiting for a bus? Or some other kind soul to give her a ride back to Springfield Bluffs?

In this new feature, our roving Fashion Constable captures those Carnipelagian women who dare to flaunt their physical assets in any number of ways. This month, the mission is: Sinfully Sheer.

Despite the ban on nude beaches, these ladies still like to flaunt their golden assets along the shores of the Sea of Secrets.

"Well, that sucks," She muttered. "Well, fuck. Dexmo. Buy me a six pack and you can just spend the night taking pictures of my tits."

Deximo liked that idea. As you can imagine. A six-pack of what, we asked.

"Cock Rocket Rum. They sponsor my Wednesday forcasts. Can we put them in my shoot? Besides, it's on sale at the Liquorama on South Main St."

Windi just continued to bewilder us with little choice factoids like that all night long. We were off to Potso's Liquorama, then off to our photo studio down the street from it.

It would be hard to describe the spicy dialogue that followed after Windi caught up with Hollie as she was leaving. The massive Vitor Tucci, her date for the rest of the evening, apparently, did not want us anywhere near Hollie and we did feel like arguing with the Ring's star strongman and animal trainer.

Suffice it to say that Hollie had other plans, which may or may not have included Vitor and his twin brother, and so our Plan B was not an option.

We arrived at the Silver Seal just as the largest man we've ever seen was leaving. And right behind him was none other than Hollie Mae Lovett.

"So much for your 'Date With Windi,' Dexmo. He has to declare war on somebody, I guess. Can't he do that tomorrow? I'm Windi Fucking Welch! What a dirtbag," she growled, turning the attention to a promotional poster on the facade of the Flukes. She glanced back over her shoulder for a moment, "Maybe he found out you were coming. That would be one seriously lame excuse for being stood up. 'Had to declare war. Sorry I missed you!' Lame. Just lame." Read more »